It’s very easy for people to lose touch with each other due to several reasons. Friends, siblings, high school mates, and even lovers are constantly experiencing one form of change or the other. And this can lead to a sort of separation where your relationship with them is no longer what it used to be. In this article, we’ll delve specifically into the subject of how to reconnect with your spouse. How can you reignite the spark that your relationship once had? You don’t have to give up on your partner just yet. Keep reading to find out how!
How to Reconnect With Your Spouse Emotionally
If you feel like you’re drifting apart from your partner, here are some ways you both can reconnect emotionally:
1. Encourage Each Other
One way you can reconnect with your spouse is by encouraging each other. This has to do with discussing your personal goals. Be supportive of your partner and share in their wins and losses. Communicating this support could be by encouraging them to go for their dreams or just sitting with your spouse while they engage in their favorite sport.
2. Appreciate Your Partner’s Positive Traits as a Spouse/Parent
Think about how happy you are to have your spouse in your life, how lucky you are that they chose you every day, and be grateful for them. Remembering this and thinking this way helps you treat your spouse better especially on days when you’re not even feeling unfavorable towards them. Give them sincere praise and re-energize them as often as you can. This will help to rekindle your relationship.
3. Don’t Expect Your Spouse to Read Your Mind
You should not expect your partner to understand you if you don’t speak up often to them. You can not expect them to read your mind and know everything about you. If you want to reconnect with your spouse, speak with them about your feelings and let them know what should be done to make sure you two are happy once more.
4. End Your Day Together
Going to bed at the same time with your spouse can serve to help both of you reconnect. Spend time talking together and cuddling before going to bed. This helps you and your partner to strengthen your bond and it’s a nice way to cap off your day beautifully.
5. Get Them a Gift
Say, for instance, your spouse is mad at you for some reason, you can get them a gift as a way of apologizing and showing them you care. It doesn’t have to be something expensive or valuable. Just ensure that it is something that would be meaningful to your spouse and they would cherish.
6. Write Them a Letter
If you’re finding it difficult to communicate how you’re feeling to your spouse directly, you can write a love letter to them. Yes, I know how that sounds but trust me this could work. Tell your spouse how special they are to you. And you can go on to make a habit of writing them letters.
7. Go on Dates
Now, this one is a sure-fire way to reconnect with your spouse. Going on dates should not be limited to just when you’re getting to know each other as lovers. You can also use it to keep your relationship alive. Make time every month to go on dates and make each other feel special.
How to Reconnect With Your Spouse After Infidelity
One of the most horrific things that could happen to a person is finding out that the person you loved cheated on you. It will leave you feeling gutted, angry, sad, and insecure for a while after it happens. Whether you’re on the receiving end of your spouse’s infidelity or you’re the one who cheated, there are still some things you can do to salvage the situation. Here are some of them:
1. Apologize About the Affair
The deed has been done but the damage won’t be fixed just as easily or automatically. However, acknowledging your mistakes to your spouse is a good place to start from. Admitting your offence and asking for their forgiveness is a good way to start repairing your relationship.
2. Discuss What Happened With Your Spouse
You should be open to discussing what happened with your spouse. They might have questions concerning what you did and why you did it and you should be willing to answer them. By doing so, you will also be able to fix your relationship as both of you get to know the real issue that resulted in the cheating partner’s actions. Nonetheless, even if you were the one who defaulted in some way and got cheated on, the actual betrayal should still not be shifted from the cheating partner.
3. Set Boundaries So the Affair Doesn’t Continue
The next step you want to take is to set ground rules that will ensure that the affair does not continue. Talk to your partner about what you each want for your relationship going forward. Also, ensure that you cut off all contact with the person with whom you were having an affair.
4. Express Affection for Each Other
Now that you’re both trying to re-establish a connection with each other, it might be difficult to ease back into it so easily. You can start by expressing affection for each other. Physical contact allows you to bond with your spouse. Make it a practice to touch your spouse while you are near them, such as a little pat on the back. It’s also okay to gradually return to physical intimacy if it makes you uncomfortable.
5. Regain Trust in Each Other
Infidelity easily affects trust in a relationship. One way to regain your partner’s trust is by being honest and open. Communicate openly and honestly and respond to your partner’s questions in the same way. During that period where your partner is still learning to trust you again, it’s not too much to always tell them what you are doing and where you are going. This is just to help them build their trust in you again.
6. Go for Therapy Together
Another way to reconnect with your spouse after infidelity is to go for therapy. A counselor can help you reconnect and save your marriage. Your counselor will provide you with a safe space to discuss what happened. They will also assist you in coping with feelings of grief, despair, and betrayal.
7. Allow Yourself Enough Time to Heal
Most importantly, be patient with yourself as you begin to heal. Your spouse should exercise patience and remain consistent in loving you especially if you have decided to work things out. Emotions come and go in cycles and can be a rollercoaster sometimes. You will experience pain, betrayal, rage, anguish, and despair. There may even be times when resentment surfaces again after your relationship has returned to normalcy. This is quite common, so you both must be patient with each other and allow yourself to heal properly.
How to Reconnect With Your Spouse After a Fight
Conflicts are generally unavoidable in a relationship and will often leave you feeling awful. Even the healthiest relationships experience conflicts but how both partners handle them is what makes the difference. Here are some ways to reconnect with your spouse after a fight.
1. Take Responsibility for Your Actions
It is very rare for only one person to be at fault in any altercation. Sometimes you may be right in how you feel, but it doesn’t mean that it is okay to act out in rage. Your relationship will not get better if both parties refuse to take responsibility, or one of you never takes responsibility. It is not always easy for us as humans to admit that we are wrong. But if you really want a good relationship, it’s the most ideal thing to do.
2. Compromise
One essential quality that every successful relationship has is that the parties involved are willing to compromise. It us quite understandable that you both will have disagreements but you can still choose to compromise. You must always keep an open mind and at least one of you must be willing to meet the other person halfway. This does not necessarily mean that you will not always get what you want, it just ensures that major issues are addressed and resolved amicably. .
3. Use More of “I” Statements to Express Yourself
When resolving conflicts, it is better to use statements starting with “I” rather than “you” to express yourself. Statements like that are more beneficial because your partner cannot disagree with you about how you feel. Instead of stating “You made me angry”, you can say “I felt angry when you…” This also prevents the conversation from escalating into another fight as your spouse might get defensive when you use more of “you” statements.
4. Resist the Urge to Drag Things Further
If it was a minor argument, then your nerves and tempers would have begun to cool down after a bit. Knowing when to quit arguing and let the matter lie is crucial for partners who want to reconcile after a big disagreement.
5. Apologize Genuinely
As I said earlier, you should always be willing to take responsibility. Even if you believe the conflict was not your fault, apologizing for your mistakes is a necessary step toward reconnecting with your spouse. Saying “I’m sorry” is not a bad thing and it doesn’t make you the weak one. It actually helps to demonstrate to your spouse that they matter to you.
How to Reconnect With Your Spouse Sexually
Understandably, your sexual attraction to your partner may wane gradually as time goes on due to several factors. But it does not imply there can not ever be sex again. Beyond compromise, there are certain methods you can use to reconnect sexually with your partner when the desire you once shared disappears. Here are some of them to help you:
1. Have a Conversation About It
A good place to start restoring the connection you once shared with your spouse sexually is to discuss the issue with your partner. Have an open conversation with your spouse about it. Perhaps one or both of you are anxious, or perhaps an ongoing conflict has reduced your sexual drive. Whatever the reason, you must face the issue to resolve it.
2. Cuddle Together
We sometimes put too much pressure on ourselves to move from a lack of intimacy to a perfectly satisfying sexual connection. This will only result in anxiety and cause you to avoid sex all together. If you have been battling with a lack of sexual connection, spending time cuddling with your spouse can help.
3. Kiss Each Other
A lot of people underestimate the role that kissing can play in rekindling passion in a relationship. Yes, it does sound basic but taking the time to appreciate kissing your partner is a definite approach to building intimacy. Intimacy is about more than simply sex, yet if you start with kissing, it may progress to sex. Kissing can also help you sexually reconnect with your spouse if physical closeness has been lacking.
4. Build a Friendship With Your Partner
It is critical to have a close friendship with your spouse if you want to reconnect with them sexually. Sex and emotions go hand in hand and sometimes you just need to find that bond of friendship again to rekindle your passion. Make time for in-depth discussions and be a friend to your partner. Building intimacy in a relationship becomes more natural when you have a friendship first.
5. Touch Your Partner Intentionally
Setting a goal to touch each other more during the day is one of the things you may do with your partner to reconnect sexually. This can be a hug, a quick kiss on the cheek, or a pat on the back. Touching in any way will deepen your physical bond and bring you closer together. Consistent physical contact throughout the day might also put you in the mood for sex later at night.
6. Prioritize Sex
Unfortunately, couples may develop a habit of avoiding sex due to very valid reasons. It is natural for sexual desire to wane after a period of no sex. This can cause couples to become trapped in a cycle of low sexual desire, making it much more difficult to get back into the pattern of having sex regularly. To overcome this obstacle, you may need to emphasize sex for a while. Make a practice of doing it even if you are not in the mood. It may feel forced at first, but understand that this is important in keeping your relationship alive.
7. Consider Therapy
If you’ve tried all attempts to reconnect with your spouse sexually and they have yielded little or no results, then it might be time to see a relationship therapist. They can provide a neutral viewpoint and assist you and your spouse in improving communication, exploring the root causes of your situation, and discovering new ways to please each other.
Books on How to Reconnect With Your Spouse
There are also some great books you can read to improve your relationship with your partner. Some of them include:
1. Reconnect With Your Partner by Alice Gardener
Alice Gardener, the bestselling author of “Healing from Infidelity”, is a psychologist who has counseled couples for over 20 years. In her book, Reconnect With Your Partner, she shares tips to help couples build intimacy and resolve conflicts, thereby making their relationship better. It is the perfect guide to help couples struggling with effective communication in their relationships.
2. Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt
Hendrix and Hunt’s New York Times bestseller is a great book for couples seeking to reconnect with each other. The duo have been married for over 30 years and have co-authored several other books on marriage and relationships.
“Become the most connected couple you know with this revolutionary guide, combining behavioral science, depth psychology, social learning theory, Gestalt therapy, and interpersonal neuroscience to help you and your partner recapture joy, enhance closeness, and experience the reward of a deeply fulfilling relationship.”
3. Emotional and Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Marcus and Ashley Kusi
As many couples begin to experience changes such as marriage, pregnancy, kids, health issues, etc. it can begin to take a toll on their relationship. It is for couples like that who feel emotionally far away from each other that Marcus and Ashley Kusi have written their book, “Emotional and Sexual Intimacy in Marriage”. This is the second book on our list featuring authors who have been married to each other for decades. They share practical and insightful tips in their book.
4. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
This book provides a practical approach for couples wishing to strengthen their emotional connection by learning their partner’s unique love language. Couples who learn each other’s love languages can better understand how to address each other’s emotional needs.
Thus, Gary Chapman discusses the five love languages at length in this book and they include words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
5. The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner-Davis
Michele Weiner-Davis is a marriage counselor and in this book, she provides useful insights and answers for couples seeking to maintain a healthy sexual relationship. She shares factors that contribute to a sexless marriage. She also provides practical suggestions for partners on how to communicate their needs, comprehend each other’s viewpoints, and ultimately improve sexual connection in their relationship.
Conclusion
Reconnecting with your spouse won’t be a day’s journey. Loving someone is a lifelong commitment that requires understanding, forgiveness, and growth from both parties involved. The insights shared in this article can only prove helpful if not one, but both of you are willing to put in the work. As long as you are both willing to remain together and rediscover each other again, then you’re on your way to maneuvering this as just another one of the lows in your love story.