Abuse is not always physical as people may otherwise think. Abusive relationship boils down however to one thing, abusers want to maintain power and control over their spouses or partners. Navigating relationships can be complex, and it’s not always easy to recognize when a relationship has become abusive. This article aims to shed light on the subtle yet destructive ways that may indicate an abusive relationship. By letting you know about the warning signs and offering guidance on taking control, we hope to empower individuals to evaluate their own situations and seek the support they deserve. Understanding the signs is the first step toward taking action in an abusive relationship.
What Is an Abusive Relationship?
You might have found yourself at one time or another wondering what an abusive relationship looks or feels like. Especially when your partner is not being physically abusive. Physical abuse is often very easy to spot. However, that is not all there is to abuse in a relationship. Abuse can take different forms such as:
Physical Abuse
This involves aggressive behaviours that could harm a person physically. Physical harm often results in bodily injuries. In severe cases, the victim could get internal injuries as a result. There could however be physical abuse that may not leave bodily injury on their victims. Physical abuse comes in the form of punching, kicking, slapping, beating, etc.
Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse can be very subtle and that is why it may go unnoticed. This form of abuse involves cruel words or attitudes used to manipulate, degrade, or punish someone. When you call your partner ‘stupid’ or give them the ‘silent treatment’, that is a form of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can be mentally draining and may leave you questioning your confidence, competence, esteem, and behaviour in general.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse involves any sexual activity without consent. It includes rape and other sexual assaults. The belief that one cannot be abused sexually while in a relationship is simply a misconception.
Financial Abuse
Being financially abusive involves preventing your partners from having access to money without your consent.
Signs of an Abusive Relationship
Sometimes, when we are in an abusive relationship, especially ones that are not physical, it might be very hard to spot. Abusers can be very manipulative and may have you questioning their abusive tendencies. People who date narcissists are often on the receiving end of this form of abuse. On some occasions, you may feel like you are deserving of the mistreatment and may try to justify their actions as non-abusive. Here are common signs to know if you are in an abusive relationship:
- They verbally abuse you
- They show signs of pathological jealousy
- They often threaten you
- Public harassment
- Demean your efforts and your actions
- They gaslight you
- False accusations
- They blame you for whatever they feel
- Unnecessary interrogation
- Make you believe you are nothing without them
- Keep you away from friends and family
- Devalue your decisions or may not allow you to make decisions at all
- Devalue your accomplishments
- They are extremely possessive
- Believe that they are never at fault
What Are Examples of Emotional Abuse?
Any form of abuse can be emotionally debilitating. If you are a victim of a physically, sexually, or financially abusive relationship, your mental, psychological, and emotional health suffers. In other words, emotional abuse comes in different forms, even in states that do not seem like emotional abuse.
Some examples of emotional abuse are:
- Emotional isolation or neglect
- Verbal insults and abuse
- Threats
- Bullying
- Financial abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Rejection
- Public humiliation
- Devalue your accomplishments and wins
- Pathological jealousy
- Domestic violence
Emotional abuse is a very serious issue and can severely affect the physical and mental health of both adults and children. A person who is a victim of emotional abuse oftentimes becomes a shadow of themselves. They might develop anxiety issues and other mood disorders. It could equally result in low self-esteem and suicidal tendencies.
It is worth noting that while women are more the victims of abuse in relationships, both men are women can be victims of an abusive relationship
the majority of physical and financial abuse features emotional abuse to a large degree and this is why no form of abuse in relationships should be tolerated.
How to Leave an Abusive Relationship
It might be surprising to see people in an abusive relationship not just up and leaving. One prevalent question is; why don’t they just leave? But leaving an abusive relationship, whether physical, emotional, or financial abuse may not always be as easy as it seems. Making the huge decision and taking the bold step to walk away is usually not easy and few may eventually get the courage to do that.
Anyway, despite not being easy, leaving an abusive relationship is something that should be done eventually. If you are in an abusive relationship and you are being plagued by the confusion of whether to stay or to leave. Whether you should give your partner the 20th last chance or not. If you are feeling drained from hoping and praying they will change. If you are caught in the thought of whether you will simply learn to endure or to move on, it’s all right. Your feelings are very much valid and understandable. We hope you try out these effective tips on how to leave an abusive relationship:
Always Remember You Are Not to Blame
Abusers are often manipulative and may manipulate you into believing their abusive actions are a result of your wrongdoing. This is not true. Relationships have their challenges but these challenges should not leave any party in emotional and psychological trauma. Whenever you start to feel your partner’s abusive tendencies as a result of your actions, remember you are not to blame for the abuse. And that there are healthy ways wrongdoings in relationships can be tackled.
You Can Seek Help
People in abusive relationships often find it shameful and embarrassing to speak up. They may lie to their friends and family to protect their image and that of their partners. If you are in an abusive relationship, it is easy to think people will make a mockery of you when they find out, which is often not true. People who love you and want the best for you can be your biggest motivation and strength to finally leave your abusive relationship. In addition to providing you with support during this trying time, they can keep you safe. Do not be reluctant to share your struggles with those who love you.
Make Up Your Mind to Leave
It is often said that nobody can tell the victim of abuse to leave. Especially in the situation of a romantic relationship. No matter what the family and friends of an abused person may say, the most important thing is that the person commits to leaving. Leaving is scary and only the victim can decide that they finally want to take the bold step.
You Should Be Financially Independent
To leave an abusive relationship, you may need money. If you finally get the courage to leave and do not have the money, you may be deterred. A lot of people who remain in abusive relationships do so because they are financially dependent on their partner. If you are in an abusive relationship, look for means to begin to save money in view of escaping. Having enough money goes a long way in influencing your decision on whether or not to leave an abusive relationship.
You Can Stay in a Domestic Violence Shelter
Not having where to go can be a major determent on your decision to leave an abusive relationship. You can research domestic violence shelters around you and what it will take you to stay there. The domestic violence shelter is recommended because not only do they provide legal services, shelter, and counselling services, they are equally good at providing emotional support. You get to see people who are in the same situation as you and this can be a big source of motivation in helping you not to go back to your abusive partner.
Make and Memorize a List of Emergency Contact
Make a list of emergency contact. Preferably contacts of your loved ones who know about your predicament. Let them understand how you may be needing their help and how they may come in. Memorize these numbers for emergency purposes and quickly dial their contacts when you are in need
Create an Escape Plan
When you finally decide to leave an abusive relationship, it is best to create an escape plan. You could use days or even, months to master these plans so that your escape will be smooth. If your abusive partner is not the type to hold you captive, you could just leave. However, if that is not the case, create your escape route carefully. Master the schedules of your partner and know the doors that will be easy to escape through. Write down the directions to the first location you’ll travel to after you escape. If it is possible, look up the directions online and write them down so you won’t need to use your phone or the internet to get there later.
Can a Man Be in an Abusive Relationship?
When you hear abuse as regards romantic relationships, the first set of people that may come to mind will most likely be women.
While women are more prone to abuse in relationships according to research, there are still a significant number of male victims of abusive relationships. While many of them may not experience physical abuse or domestic violence like the women, they may be suffering from a financial and emotional form of abuse from their significant others.
Men are often more ashamed to report cases of abuse for the belief that they may be seen as feminine or that nobody will believe them.
Any human can be a victim of abuse and anybody can be an abuser. Men should learn to speak up when they find themselves being abused and people should be willing to support and encourage them out of the situation.
Is your partner emotionally abusive? -Take a free quiz
Here is a free quiz for you to take. This quiz will help you identify if you are in an abusive relationship or not. Try to provide a correct and genuine yes’ or ‘no’ answer to the questions below.
Does your partner:
- Isolate you from family and friends?
- Control how you spend money.
- Publicly embarrass you?
- Devalue your accomplishments?
- Make you feel less of yourself?
- Manipulate or gaslight you?
- Believe you are incapable of making decisions?
- Threaten you at any slightest provocation?
- Belittle you?
- Believe they are way more important than you are?
- Hit you when they are angry?
If your answers are mostly “yes”, then you may be in an abusive relationship. Seek help and communicate with your loved ones.
Get Help After an Abusive Relationship
If you are a victim of an abusive relationship, you can get help via:
24/7 phone chat lines:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224
National Sexual Assault Hotline: (800) 656-HOPE
Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project: 1-800-832-1901
Conclusion
Recognizing and acknowledging that you may be in an abusive relationship is a crucial first step toward reclaiming your personal power and finding a path to healing. By understanding the warning signs and patterns of abuse, you have taken a brave and important leap toward a healthier future. Remember, you are not alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals who can provide the support and guidance you need. You deserve to be treated with respect, love, and kindness. Embrace your strength, prioritize your well-being, and take the necessary steps toward a life free from abuse.
Frequently Asked Questions on Abusive Relationships
What Can I Do if Someone I Love Is Getting Abused in Their Relationship?
When someone you love is getting abused in their relationship, it is necessary that you approach them with love. Try to not be judgemental. Listen to them as much as possible, and offer support and guidance. Encourage them to muster up the courage to leave while being there for them.
Is It Okay for My Girlfreind to Hit Me?
Hitting someone, especially in an aggressive manner is abuse, no matter who it is coming from. That you are physically stronger than your girlfriend does not make it okay for her to hit you. If she is in the habit of hitting you at any slightest provocation, communicate your displeasure and ask that she stops. If she doesn’t, then it’s best you find a way out of the relationship.
Can an Abusive Partner Change?
Change is in fact possible. But for this to happen, the abuser has to acknowledge that they are indeed abusive and should proceed to seek professional help and guidance to change. An abuser who doesn’t acknowledge their abusive tendencies and actions cannot change.
How Do I Know if I Am the Abusive Partner?
Sometimes we may think we treat our partners well when indeed we are abusive. To know if you are an abusive partner, you have to watch your spouse’s actions and behaviours towards you. Are they scared of you? Have they complained about you being abusive? Are they open and free with you? Can they comfortably reach out to you when they make mistakes? When you provide answers to these questions, it will give you an idea of whether you are the abusive partner in your relationship. Remember to seek help if turns out you are.
