Maintaining any kind of relationship with a narcissist involves finding a balance between self-preservation and compassion for them. I understand that this is someone you love, but you must not do so at the expense of your mental health. In this article, I’ll provide you with helpful tips on how to live with a narcissist. These practical strategies will help you protect your well-being against a narcissist’s influence. Let’s get to learning each one!
How to Live With a Narcissistic Spouse
Narcissists are somewhat normal people who have normal lives, and that includes having a love life. If you ever find yourself in a romantic relationship with one, here are some tips on how to live with a narcissistic spouse.
#1. Read Up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
The first thing to note when learning how to live with a narcissist is to spend time reading on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and understanding its impact. Even if your spouse does not match all of the symptoms of NPD, it would still be useful to notice specific symptoms. Fortunately, the concept of narcissism has gained traction in recent times and is more talked about. When you are armed with knowledge, you’re better able to articulate your feelings and describe your experience. This will help you feel more empowered in your situation.
#2. Define Your Boundaries
Another tip on how to live with a narcissist is to set boundaries. Setting boundaries does not imply that you expect your partner to change their behavior, but rather that you define what actions are acceptable because of those boundaries. For example, if you set a boundary about handling conflicts and that boundary is breached, you must decide what to do for yourself — but without tying it to their behavior.
#3. Recognize the Signs of Gaslighting
Gaslighting is one of the ways that narcissists abuse their victims. It is often subtle and difficult to spot. But it would be helpful to recognize moments when you doubt yourself because your narcissistic spouse tried to convince you that you are being overly dramatic, or forgetful. By doing so, you will be able to remove yourself from such situations if they occur again in the future.
#4. Refrain From Blaming Yourself
Narcissists never take responsibility for their actions. Rather, they frequently place the blame on others. Another tip on how to live with a narcissist is to refrain from blaming yourself when they refuse to take the blame. Blaming yourself only worsens your self-esteem and also feeds your spouse’s narcissistic behavior. Ensure that you are impartial when assessing your actions and the given circumstance, and never take the blame for situations that were not your fault.
#5. Learn to Ignore Their Criticism
One way that narcissists fuel their egos is by criticizing and judging others. But you should not take their insults personally or become defensive when they criticize you. Instead, respond calmly and state what you think about the situation. Ensure that you do not interact with the narcissist or give them the pleasure of seeing you upset. Remain controlled and avoid feeding their ego further by allowing them to dispute.
#6. Accept What You Can Not Change
Living with a narcissist can be frustrating and it is totally understandable if you wish they acted differently. However, trying to control or change your spouse’s conduct often backfires and leaves you feeling powerless. Accepting that you cannot change them does not mean you’re approving their actions though. It simply implies that you have accepted that it is what it is and you have no control over it.
#7. Therapy
Another helpful strategy on how to live with a narcissist is therapy. This would be a good place to start the process of healing from the narcissistic abuse. Getting help from a professional will provide you with direction as you navigate your relationship with a narcissist. However, you should know that individual counseling is your best bet when dealing with a narcissist. They will never acknowledge that they are at fault and need help.
How to Live With a Narcissistic Parent
While we get to choose our spouse and friends, we don’t get to choose our parents. Having a narcissistic parent can go a long way in affecting your childhood and the kind of person you grow up to be. Whether you’re a teenager or young adult still living with your parents, or you’re an adult living by yourself now, here are some tips on how to live with a narcissist who is your parent
#1. Accept Their Behavior and Let Go
As I mentioned earlier, changing a narcissist is an impossible task except they decide to change themselves. Accepting your parents the way they are will help you to feel less anxious and disturbed. The unpleasant words and actions directed at you are in essence projections of how they feel about themselves–they are very hurt folks.
#2. Be Kind and Patient With Them
Though they may not show it, narcissistic parents genuinely care about you. Under that tough demeanor is a sensitive person in need of compassion and empathy. Having a narcissistic parent is truly difficult. But you should attempt to remain empathetic with them as best as you can.
#3. Put Self-Compassion First
As an adult or young adult who had an experience with narcissistic, self-centered parents, I believe now is a good time for you to put self-compassion first. Congratulate yourself for surviving the harsh parent-child connection. Learn to comfort yourself and offer yourself the affection your parents could not.
Don’t get me wrong, the process of getting over this is not so simple. It will take some time. So, be patient with yourself as you keep working on this.
#4. Use Other Support Systems
Children of narcissistic parents may struggle to validate their own experiences. When recovering from the effects of narcissistic parenting, you should seek out the help of others. You could speak with a therapist. You could also join a support group with other people who have had an experience with narcissistic parents.
#5. Walk Away
Society places a high value on family relationships and cutting family off is an unspoken abomination. But when these bonds cause more harm than benefit, then it may be time to sever them. However, before ending your ties with your parents temporarily or permanently, be sure to think things through carefully. In some cases, there may be another alternative so be sure to consider your options properly.
What Does Living With a Narcissist Do to a Person?
Living with a narcissist can have serious consequences for your mental and emotional health. One of such consequences is that your self-esteem and self-worth may begin to erode. When a narcissist consistently disregards or discards your thoughts and feelings, it can lead to you feeling inadequate. When you are constantly trying to meet a narcissist’s excessive demands, all you will be left with is low self-esteem because they will only criticize your attempts.
Additionally, living with a narcissist can raise your stress levels notably. Narcissists are prone to manipulative acts like gaslighting which distorts your reality in order to make you doubt yourself. This would result in you experiencing bewilderment, self-doubt, and a distorted sense of reality.
Another consequence of living with narcissists is that you may become alienated from your friends and family over time. Narcissists like to dominate those around them and they might limit your social contacts. By implication, being isolated from your friends and families will lead to loneliness. Living with a narcissist requires you to be considerate of your own needs and well-being. As a result of the different ways it can impact you negatively, be sure to get the help you need immediately whether from friends, family, or a therapist.
What Makes a Narcissist Angry?
The way a narcissist displays rage differs from other types of anger. It is always out of proportion to what triggered it and would often catch you off guard. Different things make a narcissist angry. Their fragile self-esteem and excessive feelings of self-importance are one of them. Narcissists always want to preserve their superiority complex and any perceived danger to their inflated self-image might result in outbursts. Even when you constructively criticize them, they still see it as a direct attack on their self-worth. This will result in them responding defensively and violently.
Also, envy or jealousy is another thing that makes a narcissist angry. Jealousy reveals people’s insecurities and leads to resentment and anger.
Setting boundaries and controlling your expectations are important aspects of learning how to live with a narcissist. You should speak quietly to them and avoid provoking their sensitivity to criticism.
Can a Narcissist Be Cured?
No, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a chronic mental health condition that cannot be cured. Getting treatment, on the other hand, may help you control symptoms and reduce the impact the disorder may have on your self-esteem, career, and relationships.
However, a narcissist is unlikely to seek professional help. They often do not recognize that they have a problem. This lack of understanding is a defining aspect of narcissism and may explain why narcissists do not feel the need to consult a therapist.
However, if they do decide to go for therapy, improvement may be slow. Emotion-focused treatment techniques, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and transference-focused therapy, may help in the management of some symptoms in people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Final Words on How to Live With Narcissists
Living with a narcissist is a challenging experience that requires patience and effective coping strategies as you’ve seen in this article.
However, putting your well-being first is very important when navigating such relationships. While learning how to leave with a narcissist and to manage such relationships, never neglect your own physical and mental wellness. This way you’ll be able to maintain strong structures that safeguard you in your relationship with the narcissist.