The first time I heard about bases in a relationship, it didn’t cross my mind that we would be talking about ‘baseball’ terms. The base in a relationship is simply a metaphorical system of representation that refers to the different levels of sexual intimacy between partners in a relationship. Perhaps, a friend might have asked you on a particular occasion “what base are you in your new relationship?” If you have no prior idea of what relationship bases are, you’d get lost easily.
Relationship bases are not the most intuitive thing to decipher. Who would tell that terms used in baseball would be associated with sex?
You could think of relationship bases as a coding system for stratifying degrees of intimacy in a relationship.
It is unclear why or when this metaphorical representation of sexual intimacy with baseball terms began, but it could be guessed that it came about as an attempt to tone down the discomfort that comes with sex talks.
What Are the Bases in a Relationship
There are four major bases in a relationship. They are;
First Base: Kissing Stage
If you told a friend you entered the first base in your new relationship, what might immediately come to mind is the long sensual and lingering kisses. The first base in a relationship is the kissing stage. This first base basically means the starting point in your intimacy journey.
For a lot of people in new relationships, physical intimacy starts with kissing.
Second Base: The Make-Out Stage
Stages are usually progressive and it’s no different on relationship bases. We assume that the sexual/physical intimacy of partners begins to progress as the relationship grows. Therefore, this makes the second base of a relationship the make-out stage. In this stage, there is more advanced touching and fondling such as the fondling and sensual touching of areas such as the breast, nipples, waistline, chests, etc.
Third Base: The Oral Sex Stage
This involves the stimulation of the genitals orally. Here, the relationship progresses from just touches and fondling to genital stimulations. The clitoris, vagina, penis, and testicular become involved at this stage. While clothes may go off at the second base, it is at this third base that partners expect to explore each other without their clothes on.
Home Base/Home Run: Intercourse Stage
In baseball, to hit a home run is to score.
The first three bases of relationships are controversial. To some people, the first base may involve the kissing and make-out stage, to others, the first base involves just the kissing stage. However, there is a general acceptance of the home base being the intercourse stage. So when you hear a friend or colleague refer to their relationship as having reached the home base, it simply implies there has been penetrative intercourse between them and their partners.
Remember that the first three stages of the relationship base are controversial and sometimes when discussing with a friend using this system of analyzing sexual intimacy, you might be on different pages. When asked what base of relationship you are in with your partner, it is not wrong to seek clarity on how they classify their own relationship bases. This will help you not to send out erroneous information, unintentionally.
Do Bases Actually Matter in a Relationship?
Recently, the baseball system of categorizing sexual intimacy in relationships is fast phasing out. This is a result of numerous criticism of this analysis.
There is criticism of sexual intimacy not having stages. This criticism is borne out of the belief that there is no sexual touch that is ‘less’ or ‘more’ than another, therefore, once a touch is sexual and there is emotional involvement, they are all on the same level and there is no need to stratify.
People also criticized the relationship bases as making physical intimacy, which ought to be sensual, natural, and impulsive more mechanical and unfeeling.
Additionally, this classification system would leave many people feeling guilty about the pace of their relationship. They begin to believe that the intimacy of every relationship should be measured using the relationship base. And when things don’t quite turn out in that order, they begin to feel guilty.
What happens when you want to hit a home run before you go through the first base? If you feel like it, does it matter that you haven’t gone through the first base?
Is There Anything Wrong With Having Penetrative Sex Before Kissing?
This is what relationship base does to us. It makes us believe certain intimacies should come after another. Many might be wondering “is there anything wrong with having penetrative sex before kissing? Or do we have to do the oral stimulation thing before penetrative sex? the answer is No. These mechanical thoughts before sex are not only emotionally manipulative but also ruin the whole essence of the feeling.
It shouldn’t really matter which comes first.
It equally doesn’t help with the fact that the first three bases may mean different things to different people. If you meet someone who thinks the first base should involve a make-out session when you have a contrary opinion, what happens then?
Sex is a natural feeling and following relationship bases may make things awkward and unnatural. The thought of measuring and calculating an intimate act like sex is rather very disturbing.
relationship base may also give young people the false impression that the goal of a relationship is to score a goal. That is, to hit a home run or have penetrative sex. When sex and physical touch becomes goal-oriented, satisfaction takes a backseat.
Nevertheless, it is true that most relationships progress according to these bases. But then there are some that don’t. And counting bases before acting on feelings may disrupt the entire essence of the thing.
The Baseball Analogy of Relationships
As earlier stated, the base in a relationship is a metaphorical concept derived from the baseball game. It’s quirky how this could be. Of all games, baseball?
It is unsure how this analogy came to be, but it is believed that this term is traced to the post world war II when American teens, whose favourite pastime game is baseball began to use the baseball metaphor as a euphemism for physical intimacies. Sex can be a very uncomfortable topic and a lot of people shy away from it. Not everyone is comfortable saying “oh, we just had penetrative sex yesterday”, so apparently, a more subtle term to refer to sex was sort after and the baseball metaphor became the result. This made describing sex easier for a whole lot of people.
Other Baseball Terms Associated With Sex
- Strikeout: This refers to the inability or failure to engage in any form of sexual intimacy with your partner.
- Pitcher: When engaging in anal sex, the pitcher refers to the penetrative partner.
- Catcher: This is the opposite of pitcher. A catcher is a receptive partner during anal sex.
- Playing for the other team: The baseball analogy of sex focuses on heterosexuals. So when a person is playing for another team, it means the person is gay or lesbian.
- Playing for both teams: Someone who is playing for both teams is bisexual.
Frequently Asked Questions About Bases in Relationships
While the baseball analogy of relationships is something a lot of people know, it is no longer as popular as it was in the past. Times have changed and people are embracing different approaches toward relationships that are independent of the mechanical and unnatural clutch that the relationship bases tend to put people into.
Also, as the world evolves, it’s only natural that certain things phase out and with that, there have been new terminologies introduced by the new generation that is fast replacing the baseball analogy of relationships.
The simple answer is no.
A lot of people are deceived into believing that reaching the final stage of the relationship bases will signify love and most often, they go on to rush things in order to get to this stage. However, having penetrative sex has never been the true analysis of love. for some people, sex is purely physical and needs no deep emotional feeling.
There is no base that is more important than the other. Despite the fact that the fourth base is the universally accepted base in the relationship bases, it doesn’t make it more important than the other bases. kissing could keep a relationship strong if there is enough emotional involvement. However, the goal of a relationship shouldn’t be to have sex but to understand, care and love your partner.
uanuma