A little show of self-love never did anyone any harm. In fact, what many might term obsessive self-love might just stem from a place of healthy self-esteem. Narcissists, on the other hand, are another ball game entirely. In this article, you will learn all about narcissists. Can they fall in love? What happens when there are two narcissists in a relationship? Can their love really last? We will discuss all these and more in this article.
Who is a Narcissist?
A narcissist is someone who has a personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Narcissistic Personality Disorder is marked by consistent thinking patterns and personality traits that show a person’s unhealthy sense of self-importance, egoism and inability to consider other people’s feelings.
A narcissist lacks empathy and has little to zero consideration for others. Frankly, narcissists are incapable of loving others. They are only capable of really loving themselves.
Narcissists find it difficult to consider themselves as being less than perfect, much less entertaining a comment like that from someone else. Hence, they do not take kindly to criticisms as they can do no wrong in their own eyes.
What Are The Personality Traits of Narcissists?
There are certain traits that are peculiar to narcissists and make them distinguishable from others. Some of these personality traits might be common and an average human being might even exhibit them occasionally. Narcissists on the other hand have a record of consistently exhibiting the following traits.
- They have an overwhelming sense of self-importance which makes them selfish and self-centred.
- They look down on others and consider themselves superior to other people.
- They like to relate with only people they consider important like themselves so they can be snobbish and rude about it.
- They feel entitled. They expect people to do favours for them without questioning them.
- They never take responsibility for their actions. They never claim or accept to have been in the wrong because they think they are so perfect.
- They come off as haughty or arrogant in their speech and manner.
- They lack empathy and are unable to recognize and acknowledge people’s needs.
- They can be manipulative because they like to have their way at all times.
- They tend to have big dreams and they often fantasize about them.
- They have an obsessive need for attention and receiving validation from people, yet they are unable to give this to others themselves.
- They are perfectionists. They like perfection and will always insist on things being done perfectly. This trait makes them difficult to please.
- They struggle with a lot of insecurities and fears. Most narcissists even find it difficult to have complete trust in anyone.
What Happens When There Are Two Narcissists in a Relationship?
Narcissists are not great romantic partners. They are not empathetic and cannot show genuine love for others because they are not wired to put others first. Narcissists only consider themselves first and satisfy their vanities and needs. Having two narcissists in a relationship is a sure recipe for disaster.
A narcissist might well find the things they love about themselves in their partner and this could fan the flames of their attraction to each other for a while. However, having two narcissists in a relationship never really ends well. More often than not, it ends in a break-up as their feelings peter out.
Why Might Two Narcissists be Attracted to Each Other?
I’m sure it sounds absurd that one narcissist can even stand another one of their kind. But even though it happens rarely, two narcissists can be attracted to each other. There are several reasons why this might happen:
They have similar lifestyles
Two narcissists might get attracted to each other because of their similar lifestyles and beliefs. They are unlikely to find this in people who do not have a narcissistic personality disorder. So, they can easily get attracted to someone else with whom they share the same traits.
They love to be with people like them
Narcissists have a very high opinion of themselves. They consider themselves superior to others so they would want to be with someone whom they don’t consider to be so inferior to them. This is why one narcissist could easily get attracted to another.
They both have similarities to bond over
It is quite easy for two narcissists to be in a relationship together. They have a lot of similarities and will surely have a lot to bond over as well. This can push them to begin to develop feelings of attraction to each other.
They want to have such perfect partners they can boast of
Narcissists are perfectionists who have condescending opinions of others. When they come across another narcissist like themselves, they are eager to associate themselves with them. They easily get attracted to each other. Narcissists like to go for partners that are perfect like them and that they can flaunt without making themselves look bad.
They are the only options left for romantic partners
It is very likely that most narcissists have been in many unsuccessful relationships with partners who could not tolerate their excesses. In the long run, they will choose to settle for another narcissist like themselves who gets them and with whom they can relate well.
Do Narcissistic Relationships Progress Through Stages?
Narcissistic relationships progress through stages. The first stage is when they are still lovey-dovey. They enjoy each other’s company because they love the same things. They outdo each other with glamorous gifts and actions to show their affection for each other. And it is all good and lovely until this feeling begins to wane when the two narcissists in a relationship each have their narcissistic demands.
They begin to grow tired of each other and their inability to satisfy each other. Narcissists crave attention and when there are two narcissists in a relationship, they will both crave attention and will be unwilling to put the other first. It won’t be long before they go their separate ways.
Can Narcissists Change If They Want To?
Anyone can change, right? Right. The problem with narcissists however is that theirs is a deep-seated personality disorder and at its very core are character traits like unwillingness to accept faults. How on earth are you going to help someone who doesn’t even acknowledge that they need help?
Most personality disorders take many years of therapy to correct because they often have to do with a total restructuring of the person on the inside. You cannot correct them by prescribing medications for them. At best, the medications will help to take care of physiological symptoms associated with the disorder (e.g anxiety) but they will never be able to treat the root of the problem which is the personality disorder itself. It takes years of therapy to get that done. And since narcissists are unlikely to admit that they have a personality disorder and they need treatment, they are also unlikely to book even one session with a therapist to get the change they need.
However, they can go through the motions of getting help in some cases, if someone they truly love demands it of them. But even then, you can only expect a change in their behavioural patterns. It takes conscious, deliberate and collaborative efforts to change their thinking patterns.
Can Two Narcissists Actually Love Each Other?
Narcissists are self-centred people. Usually, what two narcissists in a relationship perceive as love merely stems from the satisfaction of finding someone who is just like them and whom they find relatable. They only feel that way because they have found someone who is quite similar to themselves. Although narcissists are often ignorant of their personality disorder, it is their excesses that draw them to each other in the first place. And they will also be the reason for their break up later.
Frequently Asked Questions on Narcissistic Relationships
Can you successfully have a relationship with a narcissist?
Having a successful relationship with a narcissist would be very difficult and nearly impossible. It would require a lot of hard work from both parties and since a narcissist is ignorant of their own faults, they are unlikely to do their part.
How long can narcissists sustain a relationship?
A narcissist cannot sustain a relationship for long. The moment they begin to feel like their needs are not being met and their partner begins to demand basic romantic responses that they are unable to give, they begin to lose interest in the relationship.
How do narcissists treat their partners?
Narcissists treat their partners like trophies they have won. And they expect them to idolize them in return for choosing them when they could have chosen someone better.
Does dating a narcissist change you?
Dating a narcissist is an experience that will leave you with changes for sure. Such changes include loss of self-esteem, self-doubt, no sense of security in future relationships, etc.
Conclusion
It is true that narcissists are not capable of loving other people the way they love themselves. But like every other human being, they also desire to experience a romantic connection with someone as well. But in most cases, it is difficult for them to sustain a relationship with someone without Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
However, if two narcissists in a relationship really care for each other, they can remain together for a long time. For those who seem like the right person, a narcissist will do what it takes to make their relationship work.