Sex is an integral part of romantic relationships. As a result, most relationships become tense if the guy cannot perform at maximal levels. But, it doesn’t stop there; half the time, this also leads to the man’s ego being bruised, leading to emotionally unhealthy behaviors. So, in this article, we will explore the key aspects of dating a guy with performance anxiety. We will also discuss what performance anxiety entails, its potential causes, how it can manifest in a romantic relationship, and practical tips to support you and your partner in navigating this sensitive issue.
What Is Performance Anxiety?
Performance anxiety, or sexual performance anxiety, refers to the fear or apprehension that individuals experience about their sexual performance. It is a psychological condition characterized by persistent worry, self-doubt, and fear of not meeting one’s own or their partner’s sexual expectations. This anxiety can occur before, during, or after sexual activity and may significantly impact an individual’s ability to engage in and enjoy sexual experiences. Men who experience sexual performance anxiety find it difficult to enjoy sex and, in some cases, cannot bring themselves to have any at all.
What Causes Performance Anxiety?
Performance anxiety among men can result from different issues, including erectile dysfunction, early ejaculation, poor libido, and trouble achieving orgasm. Additionally, external stressors such as work-related stress, financial concerns, or general life stress can also contribute to sexual performance anxiety.
Note that performance anxiety affects both men and women. For women, this most often results from negative body image.
How Does Performance Anxiety Affect Your Relationship?
Dating a guy with performance anxiety can be a frustrating experience. Not only for the partner but for the guy in question. Oftentimes, performance anxiety causes enough strain in a relationship to break it up. Some ways performance anxiety can affect your relationship include:
1. Bridge in Communication
It’s often difficult for a person with performance anxiety to be expressive about how they truly feel. Their inability to enjoy sex and pleasure could cause internal struggles, and expressing their concerns or desires could be extremely difficult. Every healthy relationship thrives on honest communication and expression. When communication is tampered with, the relationship is bound to suffer.
2. Emotional Trauma and Distance
The inability to please one’s partner is a very emotionally traumatic experience. In defense of this feeling, people with performance anxiety may emotionally distance themselves from their partners out of fear of criticism or rejection. The relationship may become strained as a result of this emotional distance.
3. Sexual Dissatisfaction
Sex is a basic need for men, and performance anxiety would often lead to the sexual dissatisfaction of both partners in question. The person experiencing performance anxiety may feel inadequate or burdened by their fear, while the partner may feel unfulfilled or frustrated by the lack of sexual intimacy and connection. Furthermore, Sexual dissatisfaction could lead partners to go outside to seek this sexual gratification.
4. Low Self-esteem
Performance anxiety leads to a negative self-concept which invariably leads to low self-esteem. When a person has low self-esteem from having performance anxiety, it could materialize in other parts of their lives and cause insecurities within the relationship
Symptoms of Performance Anxiety
One may say that the signs of performance anxiety are the same as their outcomes. Depending on a person’s level of worry, performance anxiety may trigger sexual dysfunctions in men, such as
- Premature ejaculation
- Loss of interest in sex
- Inability to reach orgasm
- Inability to gain or maintain an erection
The symptoms of performance anxiety are more psychological than biological, and unfavourable sex-related thoughts bring them on. For instance, the guy may experience extreme worry over how to please their partner, and these negative ideas will cause problems with their sexual behaviour.
How Do I Deal with and Partner with Performance Anxiety?
Dealing with a partner with performance anxiety in a relationship may not be the easiest thing to do, but it is not impossible. Performance anxiety for men is often rooted in negative thoughts about their inability to please their partner. Sometimes it may be because they feel their penis size is small or their erections are not hard enough. To reassure a person with performance anxiety, you need to:
#1. Be Patient and Supportive
The greatest thing a person with performance anxiety needs is reassurance from their partner. Performance anxiety can be a huge blow to a person’s ego, causing low self-esteem and emotional distance between them and their partner. If your partner has performance anxiety, being patient and supportive is the best way to reassure them of your understanding and love. When a person feels understood, the shame they may initially feel from their poor sexual performance will be greatly reduced, which will, in turn, reduce the anxiety that comes with sexual activities
#2. Take Turns Satisfying One Another
Concentrating more on sensual than genital arousal. If you are dating a guy with performance anxiety, you should know that their major focus during sex is how to keep up an erection and satisfy you. Focusing on other senses may help distract their thoughts and worries from their genital arousal, which can help combat performance anxiety.
#3. Communication
Communication is the basis of a healthy relationship. Communicating what you like and dislike about sex could give your partner greater confidence during sex. It will also reduce the excess thought of worrying if what they are doing is right. Remember that the tone of communication often weighs more than the words themselves, so be careful about coming off as judgmental and extremely unhappy when relaying your dislikes. For better effectiveness, start with praise about what they got right and then proceed to provide constructive criticism about what you don’t like
#4. Pay Attention to the Pattern of Their Erections
Find out what you do that makes them most excited. You can help your partner with performance anxiety by paying attention to what arouses them most. You could take note of actions that you take that make them harder. When you arouse a person intensely, they will worry less and perform better
#5. Be Non-judgemental and Open-Minded
Judgment puts people on the defensive. When people feel judged, they create an invisible wall to defend their egos and maintain their supposed shattering dignity. If you are dating a guy with performance anxiety, be careful about being or sounding judgmental. This may have a counter-effect to helping them and would often worsen the situation.
#6. Educate Yourself More About Performance Anxiety
The greatest act of love towards a person with performance anxiety is learning about their problem and seeking solutions. It not only shows that you care, but it also shows you are ready to walk with them every step of the way and are intentional about their well-being
How to Break the Cycle of Performance Anxiety
Occasionally, people may encounter bad sex. However, when this happens often, it may lead to worry, anxiety, and, consequently, performance anxiety.
When dating a guy with performance anxiety, one of the most effective ways to break the cycle is to be supportive when he experiences a crisis.
Because anxiety and tension can overwhelm a man when he is only focused on having sex, it is the major cause of performance anxiety. You could help your partner engage in sexual activity while watching a film or listening to music. These distractions can help the man feel less pressured and create a better atmosphere for better performance.
What Do I Say to My Partner With Performance Anxiety?
While much emphasis is placed on communication, we must acknowledge that communication is not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes, a person may know what to say but be at a loss on how to say it. Other times, one may not be able to find the right words to express their feelings. But despite the difficulty, it is important to have these open and honest communications to ease your partner’s tension
When dating a guy with performance anxiety, here are things you could say to make them feel better:
- I value our intimacy and connection more than any performance. Let’s concentrate on having fun together and moving at your own pace for the time being.
- I know dealing with performance anxiety can be difficult, but please remember I’m on your side. Together, as a team, we can solve this problem.
- It’s completely normal to experience performance anxiety, and many people go through it. Your well-being and happiness are my top priorities. Let’s find ways to reduce stress and create an environment where you feel relaxed and confident.
While talking to your partner, it is equally effective to let them know if you are tense; this will help ease their tension and let them open up to you about how they truly feel. Also, let them know how much you love and admire their bodies. This is because poor body image is the cause of performance anxiety.
When to See a Doctor
If symptoms deteriorate over time, you should talk to your partner about seeing a doctor. A doctor could help run tests and refer to a therapist if need be.
They could equally prescribe medications that may aid with performance anxiety
Conclusion
Dating someone with performance anxiety requires patience, understanding, and open communication. By providing unwavering support, creating a safe and non-judgmental environment, and focusing on emotional connection rather than performance, you can help your partner navigate their challenges. Remember that their worth as a person and a partner goes far beyond any perceived limitations. Together, you can build a strong foundation of trust, intimacy, and love, fostering a relationship that thrives even in the face of performance anxiety.