Sympathy, empathy and compassion are three words that people mix up a lot. Even though they have so much in common, they are not the same thing. Once, a bosom friend of mine told me tearfully that she had lost her father. Grief isn’t something I am familiar with. The closest family I have ever lost is my maternal great-grandmother. I could count off the number of times I had seen her before she died on my fingertips, and I still have a lot of fingers left. So, I didn’t know grief well, but there my friend was, sharing hers with me.
As she talked, I was attentive, and she kept butting in, “Do you get me?” I would say I did and go on listening. Years later, I understood that my friend didn’t want someone who would merely show how sorry they were for her. She didn’t want someone who would try to help her get around her grief. No, she wanted someone who would feel exactly what she felt. That was the first time I encountered the difference between sympathy, empathy and compassion.
Sympathy vs Empathy vs Compassion
Sympathy is what we feel when we see someone going through something tough, and we feel bad for them. It’s like feeling sad for them but not really knowing exactly what they’re going through. Sympathy is important because it helps us connect with people and show that we care about their struggles, even if we don’t fully understand them. But sometimes, sympathy can be like sitting on the sidelines—you feel for the person, but you don’t really do anything to help.
On the other hand, empathy is like feeling what someone else is feeling. You are not just feeling bad for them. You actually understand how they might be feeling, and you share their emotions. When we empathize with someone, it’s like we’re putting ourselves in their shoes and trying to see things from their perspective. Empathy can also make us want to help others because we can feel what they’re going through.
If you want a recipe for care, compassion will make the list. Compassion is like a combination of both sympathy and empathy. A compassionate person wants to offer help to those who need it, and that’s what makes this such a powerful emotion. You don’t just sit out another person’s pain if you have compassion for them. You’d want to get involved and take actions that will ultimately help. With compassion, the world can become a kinder, happier place.
How Does Sympathy and Empathy Relate to Compassion?
From the definitions so far, we can see that sympathy and empathy are closely related to compassion. However, regardless of how close they are, there’s still a difference. Sympathy is based on pity. It looks at the condition of others solely from the perspective of the sympathizer. And that is why you can be sympathizing with someone by merely repeating, “I am sorry” to them. Empathy requires understanding the pain of others. You are not just focused on how their situation makes you feel, but you understand what they feel as well. You recognize the pain. Compassion uses the two emotions plus the desire to help make things better.
So, what does this all mean for us? Well, it means that if we want to be good humans, we need to work on developing our sympathy, empathy, and compassion. That way, we can understand what people are going through, really feel for them, and then take action to help out. Think of it like climbing a ladder—sympathy is the first step, empathy is the second, and compassion is the top of the ladder where we can really make a difference.
Let’s take an example. Imagine you see someone who’s homeless on the street. Sympathy is like feeling bad for them because they don’t have a place to live. Empathy is like thinking about how you would feel if you were in their shoes—how cold and hungry you would be. Compassion is like wanting to do something to help them, like bringing them a warm meal or helping them find shelter. See how compassion takes sympathy and empathy to the next level? It’s not just about feeling bad or understanding, it’s about acting on those feelings to make the world a better place.
What’s the Difference Between Sympathy and Empathy?
Sympathy is Cognitive, and Empathy is Affective
The key difference is emotion. Sympathy means you can understand someone’s suffering, but it’s more like you’re watching the problem from the outside. You know it’s there, but you’re not really feeling it. Empathy, on the other hand, means you’re feeling what the other person is feeling—like you’re right there with them. Sympathy is more like knowing, but empathy is like feeling.
Understanding Levels Differ
You don’t have to understand what another person is going through to be a sympathizer. But if you have any shot at showing empathy, you need a lot of understanding. Empathy means you want to know what someone is going through, even if you can’t do anything to help. Sympathy is similar, but it’s more about knowing that something is wrong without really diving into the emotions behind it.
The nature of the relationship
Empathy and sympathy depend on how well you know someone. For instance, if your boss at work has just lost someone close to them, showing sympathy might be the best line of action to take. This is because you don’t really know the deceased well, and because of certain social rules in work settings, you may not be able to be empathic. But when it is your close friend who has lost someone, sending cards or flowers just wouldn’t do. You are expected to show more empathy because of the nature of the relationship you have with your friend.
Frame of reference
Another difference between the two emotions is the frame of reference from which both are expressed. When you offer sympathy, you do so from your own frame of reference and not that of the distressed individual. Empathy, on the other hand, deals with distress from the frame of reference of the distressed. In fact, some persons would go as far as describing sympathy as a self-serving emotion that has nothing to do with the distressed person. This is because people often become anxious when they are faced with distress. So, when they see a person in distress, they start trying to get rid of their own negative feelings about the distress. They do this by describing how others’ distress makes them feel.
For instance, statements like: “I am sorry that your dog got run over by a car” or “I don’t like that you got fired like that” are sympathetic, but they focus on what the sympathizer feels. This is why, sometimes, when people in distress get sympathy, they feel more distressed. You cannot alleviate someone’s pain by telling them about yours while they are still trying to grapple with theirs.
Compassion vs Empathy
University of Virginia Medical Center describes empathy as a “gateway to compassion”. This is to say that empathy is a means while compassion is the end. With empathy, you understand what a person feels. With compassion, you can do so much more — take actions towards ending the suffering of a person. The major difference between the two is that empathy does not require a response, but you need action to be compassionate.
Empathy is the faculty to resonate with other people’s feelings. If someone walks up to you with a big smile, and you start smiling, that’s empathy right there. The same goes for watching someone suffer — you can feel some of that suffering in you. We can understand how empathy works by studying the brain. For instance, if you really empathize with someone who’s suffering, the emotion will activate the area of your brain that registers suffering. This activation takes place in the same area as the person who’s suffering. So, empathy helps us share in other people’s emotions.
It is important to know that empathy, on its own, is not enough to support our relationships at home, work, school or anywhere else. Yes, empathy is great and it is an important step towards compassion. However, in order to create make more meaningful impacts in your relationships, you need compassion.
The Differences Between Compassion and Empathy
Active vs Passive
While both empathy and compassion involve feeling what others are feeling, compassion takes it a step further. Empathy allows us to feel for someone, but compassion motivates us to act and help out. It is like seeing a friend who is sad and wanting to listen and be there for them, while compassion is like seeing that same friend and wanting to hug them, bring them a cup of tea, or offer to help them in any way you can. Empathy is passive, but compassion is active.
Burnouts
Empathy has been found to be capable of causing burnouts. This can be seen in the lives of healthcare providers. Since empathy is the ability to feel what the other person is feeling, if a healthcare worker shows too much empathy, they’d be easily fatigued. This is because providing care at the hospital involves dealing with patients who are not feeling good about themselves. So, the health worker will run out of energy, reflecting all the emotions of the patient.
This is why showing empathy should be done with the right amount of caution. Empathy is a stepping stone to compassion, and that’s wonderful. You cannot become desperate to free others from their pain if you have not first understood what it must feel like to be in such pain. But once you have taken a step into empathy, you don’t have to dwell there. The next step should be compassion. You have clear boundaries when you are dealing with compassion. By having compassion, you get the motivation to help out without necessarily experiencing the suffering with the same intensity as the distressed individual. In this way, the likelihood of fatigue from emotional distress on your part is minimized.
Final Thoughts
Empathy, sympathy and compassion may have similarities, but they are not the same. You should know when to express each emotion and why you should choose one over the other in certain situations. This way, you can help distressed people around you better. By learning to be more empathetic, sympathetic and compassionate, we can create stronger bonds with others and make a difference in people’s lives.
No matter what kind of mess someone is in, they deserve grace, compassion, and support. When you’re having a hard time and feel like nobody gets it, it can make things a million times harder. Being shown compassion, even if it’s just a little, can be a reminder that someone is there for you, that you’re not alone, and that everything will be okay. It can be a light in the darkness or a hand to hold when you’re feeling scared. We all deserve this, no matter what we’ve done or what we’re going through.